it’s a small world after all…

Before embarking on the IVF journey, the Center makes you attend a class. It was a 3 hour seminar on what IVF was, what it meant, the science behind it, and what we could expect. I remember driving there and dreading seeing someone I knew. I walked in to the auditorium with C. We sat towards the back, by the door (so I could run at any time..kidding) and silently waited for it to begin. Couples started to pile in. I tried not to be judgmental but I would sit and look at each couple and think, hmm wonder what is wrong with them. There were older couples, same sex couples, young couples, women who were there alone, and oh, yes of course, a girl I knew who I was in a wedding with. How did I get SO  lucky to pick the exact day she picked?! Holy SH@%. I could see her and her husband enter the door on the other site of the auditorium. I nudged C and whispered “OMG WTF OMG” He asked what I was talking about and I whispered to him what was going on. He tried to call me down and it didn’t work very well. Thank God they were on the other side of the room from us. The seminar started and I could see her glance over at me. I didn’t have my glasses on so I couldn’t see all the details but I knew she saw me.

I did my best to listen to the doctor who was talking. He went over possible side effects and how the schedule works and the endless appointments that we would all have to endure. It’s funny, you walk into a room of so many people who are hurting so bad, and no one talks. We just sit there like we are sitting and waiting for our number to be called at the DMV. My mind wandered and it was hard for me to concentrate.

The last part of the session was a message from the clinic’s psychologist. The one part I was interested in, and she was out that day sick. So we settled for a recording of her. She seemed nice enough, but after all, I wasn’t going to need to talk to her. IVF was going to work for me on the first round. Anyhow, she seemed to be comforting in the moment about how we all will handle this differently. She talked about how important it was to communicate with our partners but also, just as important, to not over talk the issue all day everyday. She suggested you pick a time with your partner to sit down and talk about feelings so its more controlled. HA. This lady doesn’t know who she is talking to. If I feel it, I say it. Later, I would learn how true her words were.

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Author: JPK

29 MWF in search of motherhood.

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