Remember that girl I saw at the seminar? Let’s call her Sam. Well, Sam contacted me on Facebook. She wanted to confirm that it was me she saw and wanted me to swear I wouldn’t say anything to our mutual friend. She knew we would be seeing each other the following week. I assured her I would never tell and that if she ever needed someone, she could talk to me.

And that started the beginning of the best support I could have had. That was August 2015. We both told each other our stories up until that point. They were pretty much the same type of story, but it turned out Sam’s issue wasn’t her issue after all. Her husband has male factor infertility. Very different than our story.

Sam and I began to talk almost daily through Facebook. We would share our stories about our appointments and meds and missing work. She also would share her frustrations about how her husband wouldn’t help with any of her injections. He suffered from a terrible needle phobia and wasn’t able to even be in the same room when the shots were out. How she gave herself shots is beyond me. Especially the progesterone oil shots in the back. She gave credit to her years as a dancer for her ability to bend that way. What a warrior she was.

Sam was a few weeks ahead of me, so she embarked on IVF first. I felt like anytime I left an appointment I wanted to write her first. Her first round of meds led to a very successful retrieval. She got something like 25 eggs and about half fertilized and she was left with 5 embryos. She had a fresh transfer, where they put 1 five day blast in. She would email me daily about how she felt and how anxious she was. I was waiting for my insurance to be approved at this point to start my stim meds, so she was kind of like my big sister trying everything out and reporting back.

Sadly after her TWW (two week wait) she got a negative. There are many reason why an embryos doesn’t implant. It could be the quality of the egg or the environment of the uterus. This is why it is so tough. They just never know exactly what it is. She was crushed. She left work balling and messaged me right away. I comforted her in any way I knew how. I kept reassuring her that she had 4 frozen embryos left and for sure one would work.

The reality is that none of them may work. Nothing is for certain, in IVF and in life. IVF often seems like a metaphor for life and parenting. You can do everything in your power to raise a healthy well adjusted child, and sometimes things just don’t turn out. Lucky for my parents, they ended up with two perfect daughters ;).

Sam’s story didn’t seem to drag on as long as mine. Long story short, she recovered and then had two more transferred in November. She got her BFP (big fat positive) right before Christmas. I was truly happy for her. I also felt left in the dust. We actually talked about how one of us would be left behind, hopefully not for long, but the reality is that one of us would get pregnant first. And given the circumstances, I knew it would be her.

She found out she was pregnant with twins, but sadly lost one early on. She is now in her third trimester and due this summer. As happy as I am that she will have a happy ending, it is so hard for me now that my “infertility buddy” isn’t my buddy anymore.  I totally get and respect her need to move on. The last thing she needs is to to live with a daily reminder of her own struggle with infertility. I sometimes check in with her and she may check in with me, but those messages are few and far between.

I am forever grateful for the time I had her support and friendship.






Author: JPK

29 MWF in search of motherhood.

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