“a dozen eggs, please”

And I thought a dozen organic eggs at Whole Foods was expensive… holy moly!


We had a 7:30 am phone call with the coordinator at the egg bank yesterday. She went over the price and logistics of using an egg donor. She was very helpful. Not only is she the coordinator, she is also an embryologist, which was great because she was able to provide us with more knowledge on the specifics of what happens. I asked her if the eggs from her bank are all from people in VA. she mentioned they have many collection areas across the country; CA, VA, UT, CO. Later when she was talking she mentioned the eggs would be shipped to our center, but slipped and said Utah, which makes me wonder if the donor is from Utah. The coordinator said this the donor’s first time donating (at least at their center) so I think it is safe to assume she doesn’t have children anywhere. We asked to put two of her three cohorts on hold. Each cohort contains 6 mature eggs. There was a third cohort that I believe another family took.

She mentioned that in the future, I could call and ask if any of her other cycles resulted in a successful retrieval. It is hard for me to think of other families also having a part of “our child” but this is the way it goes. She is giving a gift to many people. What a miracle that technology allows us to do this. I feel it is my God-given right to carry a child. So if I can’t use my own eggs, then this is the next best thing.
I could see us all reuniting with the donor and any other families one day. Just thinking of it gives me chills. Of course none of this would happen unless our child, children want to do this. It comes down to them giving consent once they are 18 years of age.
So… we got the ball rolling and now just need to do some paperwork and meet with the therapist. As sad as this reality is, I am grateful that there is an alternative. I can’t imagine the sadness so many people feel, never being able to carry a child. I pray that my body is able to do the job.
I want to discuss the timeline with the therapist. It is not a matter of if we use donor eggs, but when. That is very clear to me. So whether I try one more time or not, we should buy these eggs. I was listening to a podcast, and the woman was somewhat young, but she had a known genetic issue and DOR. For her, she said, it was an easy decision. For me, there isn’t a known genetic issue. And that is what makes it tough.
C and I are are very lucky that we are on the same page and are very open about our feelings with everything. We have a great support system and we have done a lot of thinking. I am also extremely lucky that we are in a position that we can do this. Also that we live close to a clinic that has the technology to do this. Our decision to pick this donor may seem like it happened so fast, but the reality is when we initially met with Dr. E May 2015, he was clear that this could be our road. I always kept the idea on the back burner, it was too painful to ever think about, but I knew this might be my future. It became more and more clear as the cycles went on. I just need to figure out if I want to try again on my own, or go ahead with this. I think this is the hardest decision I have ever made. Do I make the decision, move on, and never look back?  How do I know I have tried enough? What if I am not really giving my body a chance. I have tried 6 attempts at infertility treatments. Is that enough? Some women try for 10 years. I don’t want to spend the next 10 years of my life living this way. It is horrible.
Whenever I get overwhelmed and upset, I keep reminding myself that most of the hard stuff is behind us (minus the pregnancy, labor, and the parenting part, ha!) — getting the diagnosis, and trying over and over and over. We just want to start being happy and excited about life. We do know there are still so many obstacles ahead of us. There is no guarantee this will even work. I could cry and cry and hope that each IVF cycle in the future will work with my own eggs, or I can respect my body and my life enough to choose to be happy and move on. Nothing will change what my diagnosis is. Nothing.

Author: JPK

29 MWF in search of motherhood.

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