baby steps.


(I found the image above on another blogger’s site. It is a helpful visual that shows the steps on how an embryo is created. Each step is so important, and as you can see, there are many!)

This feels like the worse type of torture. I am sitting at work and every minute that goes by feels like an hour and I feel so anxious. The clinic usually calls around 1:00 pm with results. It is 1:21. At 1:03 my phone rang and I answered as fast as I could. It was my nurse. I thought, oh thank god, this means there is good news. The doc usually calls when it’s bad news, as I know all too well. She then tells me she is just calling to tell me to up my progesterone oil dose… ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am like sitting here shaking and that’s what she is calling for. She told me the lab would call me hopefully soon. Anywhere form 1-3. So now I have to wait another 1.5 hrs potentially. I cant even eat I feel so sick to my stomach.
There is so much riding on this moment. We spent so much time and money, and it has been so painful just getting to this point. This is the moment of truth if our donor really has “good viable eggs”. There are still several more hurdles, and oh, parenthood! How can it get harder than this?? Whatever does fertilize still needs to grow properly and get to day 5. From there 1 or 2 will be transferred into my uterus and then we pray they take a look around and decide they want me to be their Mom. This is where they/it will live for the next 9 months, so they better get cozy.
Being at work has been helpful to keep busy and not obsess every second. If I were home, my house would be sparkling clean! At 1:30 I finally decided to get up and go for a walk. 1:36 my phone rang. It was my favorite OR nurse. THANK GOD. I knew it was good news if she was calling. Drum roll please………..
Out of the 12 eggs, 11 thawed (very normal to lose one or so during thawing) 11 were injected through ICSI, and 8 fertilized. One of them, the 9th embryo looks like it was starting to grow, but they aren’t sure if it’s going to make it. So for now, it’s 8. This is great news. The fact that we got 8 out of 11 is statistically phenomenal . You can expect to lose half after fertilization. So, out of 12, we would  have been lucky to get 6. As great as this is, we still have to get to day 5. Which if you do the math makes my transfer Tuesday, July 12.
So that’s my update. My hope is that ALL 8 make it, but even if I get 5 I will be happy. We will transfer 1-2 and then freeze the rest.
I tossed and turned all night. Partially because I was so nervous, but mostly because the pain from my injection. I could barely roll over. To get out of bed I had to physically use my hands to lift my left leg. Who knew how important your butt muscle was?!
I called C at work to tell him the news and we both took a high sigh of relief. Ah… We made it this far once before, but all we had was 2 embryos at day 3, and nothing to freeze. Sadly, as you know, those 2 embryos, although perfectly rated, didn’t make it for whatever reason. We will never know.
I had this fear looming over me that once I heard about how many eggs fertilized it would finally hit me that the eggs really didn’t come from me. Some how making them less mine. The good news is as of now even though, yes I am still very aware of how we got these precious eggs, it does’t seem to matter. They are ours.



Author: JPK

29 MWF in search of motherhood.

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