The OR nurse told me I would hear from the lab today between 1-3. I sat on pins and needles all day and brought my phone with me everywhere. Finally at 3:00 I had enough! I emailed my nurse to see if she heard anything from the lab. We were waiting on about 6-7 embryos to see if they would make it to 5 day blasts and then we could freeze them for later use. She emailed back and said 2 of the 7 made it. She used a lot of !!!!!! in her email, and at first glance my hopes were super high. It thought maybe all of them made it for a second. Then I read closer and sure enough it just said 2. My heart sunk. I just don’t feel happy. Don’t get me wrong, this is a million times better than anything we have ever experienced in the realm of IVF.
The goal in IVF is to have something to transfer and something to freeze. And that is exactly what we have. But when you spend so much money, and you hear that 8/9 fertilized and you are overcome with joy, you forget the reality of these numbers. Yes, this gives us another shot if God-forbid the ones inside of me now don’t take, but we bought 12 and only ended up with 4. It puts more pressure on me now to make the two inside of me work. I know I have no control over it and that is what is so scary. It is all a numbers game.
My nurse said that they consider this a good outcome. Basically 50% of our embryos that fertilized, were good enough to transfer and or freeze, and to clinic, that is right in line with what they expect. It is just crazy to think that out of 12, we could end up with such a low number. It goes to show you how crazy this all is and how precious life really is. A healthy baby that is born is truly a miracle, and most people just don’t realize that until they go through such trouble. So many things have to happen at just the right time for an embryo to even make it to day 5. She did say we almost had 3 to freeze, but the 3rd one just didn’t look good and it stopped progressing. They only freeze good quality eggs. We now have another shot if needed and for that I will be thankful. If our donor donates again come Fall, as we were told she may, we may consider buy another cohort, depending on what happens in the next few months. According to our clinic, we have a 90% chance of each embryo thawing.
It’s crazy to think that if we get pregnant with these two embryos and decided to have more babies down the road, they will all be the “same age” kinda!